Frat House Chicken

This dish is dedicated to Martin Jecks. Martin, the complete gentlemen, had the misfortune of sharing a house with me in London immediately after we graduated. We also shared it with a dozen mice and a chin-high pile of pizza boxes. Martin was a very clean fellow, and washed his bed sheets weekly, which I considered quite odd at the time. How we both survived I will never know.

This dish is inelegant and highly calorific. It is suitable if you are on a budget ski holiday with a dozen men, if you are a sumo wrestler concerned about being underweight going into a match, or if you find yourself in England.

Martin and I normal shared a bottle of Sainsbury's Rioja with this meal. It was a fine wine, costing six pounds, and benefited from being open for one hour to three days before drinking.

INGREDIENTS (serves two men and ten mice)

Splash of olive oil & tablespoon of butter

Two large chicken breasts, cut into inch chunks

Tablespoon of basil or HDP (herb de provence)

An onion, chopped

A garlic clove, chopped

One chicken stock cube

One tablespoon Dijon mustard

1 cup pouting cream

1/4 glass of white wine

Salt & Pepper (a good twist of each)

Pasta for two

A handful of cheese (cheddar, normally, or parmesan, preferred).

DIRECTIONS

On a medium heat, lightly fry chicken breasts in the oil & butter until sealed.

Add basil/hdp, onion, garlic, salt, and pepper. Fry on low heat until soft.

Add crumbled stock cube. Cook for two minutes.

Add the wine, cream and mustard.

In the next fifteen minutes, saute the chicken/onion/garlic and cook the pasta. Take the pasta off about two minutes before al dente and mix into the chicken/onion mixture. Do the last bit of pasta cooking in the sauce and it will integrate the flavour of the chicken, cream, and wine into the pasta.

Thirty seconds before serving, throw in the cheese and toss around.

Plate up and serve.

Leave any remains for mice to eat and/or fungal infections to develop.*

* Ignore this stage if you are older that 23.